Friday, July 29, 2011

Beauty is Creepy

Yo. Soooooooooooooooo awesomesauce IT'S FRIDAY BEEZIES! Join me in celebrating this joyous occasion! (Unless you work on weekends of are one of those totally lame people that survive sans 9-5 wageslavedom or are unemployed or homeless in that case this is now totally awkward.)

Upon my virtual wanderings...I realized something. Well, first I'll tell you something I realized a long time ago. Physical Beauty is a social construct, for the most part. We just can't win. Circa areallylongtimeago, voluptuous modestly-endowed figures were all the rage, and well guys, you wouldn't be caught dead wandering about without your trusty codpiece. This love of le curves for the most part was passed down through the ages, with a hiccup in the 1920's, until the 1950's. Beauty used to be kind of depressing to the typical female. Now, Beauty is totally CREEPY.
To make a long story short:

Marilyn Monroe,
Legendary. Curvacious.
Oh, dear. High Metabolism begins it's reign, plaguing the minds of adolescents everywhere.

Cindy Crawford,
Ok, a little more realistic. And by realistic I mean less starved.

Britney Spears,
Oh crap. Being impossibly skinny and have a killer rack? Great. I miss Twiggy.

A bit of fresh air for curvy-bottomed women everywhere. 
Funny how things have come full circle in the last 50 years or so.
However, still pretty much hahayeahright. 

You may be thinking, ummm, where is the creepy part? All I see is a bunch of bangin' babes. WELL the meat of this post is the way in which beauty is LITERALLY contrived by artificial means and shoved in our faces every waking moment, thus changing the standard from difficult to fit to completely impossible, unless we all start walking around with digitized cutouts of ourselves with eye holes.

First, the creepiness of "putting on your face". This isn't new, it's been weirding people and giving women cancer and acne for a long, long time.

Uhhhhh yeah gross.

So, there's the makeup thing. Moving on to: Too bad my bathroom drawer doesn't have PHOTOSHOP SO I CAN ALTER MY PROPORTIONS.

See? literally impossible? How annoying! Those tricksy little marketers...

So, this one is pretty much the same thing as the above video, except longer and more sad because it takes a cute little girl in the throes of conference call sneak attacks and GLITTERMUSTHAVEGLITTEREVERYWHERE!!! and transforms her into the "ideal" little pre-teen., complete with straight A's and saying "thank you mom, for picking me up from school with a towel on your head! It amused me, I love you!"
 CA-REEPAY!! I'm telling you!

So. In this decade of digital Barbies, what's a girl to do wait for the day when women are "supposed to" look as "hott" (note the double "t's") as this:



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